Here’s another email

from the Dating Guru’s Mailbag

“Dear James.  I’m working on a project at work with a lovely lady.  We’ve fallen for each other but if we got found out then we’d lose our jobs.  However, at Christmas her contract is up so we’ve agreed to keep things as friends until then. It’s driving me mad – what can I do?”!

If you have your own dating problem or question then you can ask our Dating Guru for help.  Email  info@singlesolution.com    The best questions will get answered ( anonymously!)  in this blog.

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

When you go out on a date

Make sure you leave this at home!

The purpose of a first date is very simple – you will get to find out more about each other and see if you are compatible.   You will talk during the date and make the other person feel special and important.  If you don’t , then it’s extremely unlikely they will ever want to see you again.

I hear of the same complaint time and time again.  Everything is going well on the date until someone’s phone comes out.  They will then spend the evening constantly texting, checking messages and even going as far as to take calls on it.  You wouldn’t do this on a job interview, so why do it hear?  The end result is that it makes you look like you can’t be bothered and don’t want to be there.  Above all, it’s bad manner and even downright rude.    Is this how you want other people to think of you?

A phone on a date can have purpose.  Perhaps this could be to check what’s on nearby or to get a map for somewhere you can both visit.  Apart from this you really ought to make sure it’s turned off or at least set to silent, then put away in your handbag or pocket.

Don’t let your phone play gooseberry and get in the way of you both having a great date.  Ask lots of questions, show an interest and you won’t need to be distracted.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

What’s the worst thing

you can put in a dating profile?

There are three things you should never ever say in your dating profile.  I see them time and again and they can completely ruin your chances.  Your profile is your opportunity to sell yourself so you must make it good.

1) Tell you Later / Ask Me/ I’ll fill this in later

So you can’t be bothered to write anything ?   This looks like you are lazy with no imagination.  It’s better to have a completely blank profile than do this.  If you must write “Ask Me” then you could try something along the lines of  “Ask me about the time I went to Peru. It’s a great story!”

2) I love to laugh/ listening to music / reading etc

Why is this bad?  Well who doesn’t like laughing or listening to music?  These sort of statements are much too general.  If you’ve just heard a great joke or read a fantastic book then talk about it in your profile instead.  It could be a really good conversation starter.

3) No Time Wasters please

I’ve said this before but I still see people writing it each and every day!   You really shouldn’t put this as it makes you look like a petty, negative person.  Also, if they are a timewaster it’s not exactly going to put them off anyway is it?  If you have a few things you are looking for then write about them in a positive way instead.  Perhaps you can write that you are seeking a happy, relationship minded person or someone in your area.

Good luck!

James Preece

The Dating Guru – Dating Coach and Dating Expert

www.singlesolution.com

Are free dating sites

as good as paid ones?

Online dating sites are a wonderful way to meet new people and get a date. The taboo of talking to someone on the Internet has virtually gone now,  partly due to the success of
social media sites like Facebook.

It’s easy to create a profile on a dating site and start getting interest from matches quickly, without even leaving your bedroom.  There are some great sites out there so you may be tempted to try a free one.

Online Dating can be expensive, so free sites can be a good introduction if you can’t afford this.  However, they are more suited to casual hook ups and flirting than serious relationships. If you are over the age of 21 then you’ll probably be wasting your time even setting up a profile. Free dating sites sites are not monitored for fake profiles and there are many time wasters on there.

These types of websites are never as “free” as they make out.  While you can search and contact members, you still need to upgrade and pay for some of the more useful services.

I would  always advise that if you are looking for a long term relationship then you are better off paying for a proper online dating site.  You know the other person is serious about dating if they have also paid.  They attract much more professionals members and therefore you’ll meet more suitable people.

A good, reputable online dating site such as www.singlesolution.com has staff who are always available to help you.  They will filter out fake profiles and ensure that the standard of members is kept as high possible.  You can also get discounts on a range or singles events too.

You really do get what you pay for in life.

Happy dating!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

A good smile is so important

and can help you get more dates

If you smile then you’ll naturally look friendlier and other people will like you more. It’s vital that you smile lots when you are out on a date or trying to get one.  But do you know why exactly we smile?

The main reason for this is that a smile shows empathy and showing your teeth is a primitive display that you are not a threat.   So if a person gives someone else a genuine warm smile it shows that they are comfortable and interested in being with them.

Not all smiles are created equal and if you aren’t sincere and give out fake smiles then this will soon become obvious to the subconscious mind. A real smile begins with the eyes wrinkling and the lips being pulled back equally. Real smiles also last much longer than fake flashes, so try and hold it.  Don’t go overboard as you’ll come across as mad.  Just keep it relaxed and normal.

You don’t need to have movie star perfect teeth. Studies have shown that teeth don’t need to be overly white to be considered attractive, just clean and natural looking is the most important. If you have bad teeth then it suggests you are lazy and don’t care about your appearance, so definitely work on this if necessary.

For women, a good lipstick can improve a smile by making the teeth stand out and plumping up the lips.

Make sure you have fresh breath too or you’ll blow it no matter how much you smile!

Good luck,

James Preece – The Dating Guru

As Dating Coach for Singlesolution.com

I often get asked about general dating advice

So here are some quick answers to recent dating questions I’ve had.

” Hi James, Isn’t online dating a bit like doing online shopping?  Can’t you enter the criteria of you ideal match and meet them right away?”

While you can certainly enter your wish list and see your “perfect” partner it’s not that simple.  To make things work they have to be interested in you too!   Work out what you have to offer in return.  We all might desire Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie but you must be realistic.

“Hey.Why do people have such a hard time meeting each other in London?  Aren’t there lots of opportunities to meet other people at parties and with friends?”

After the age of 30, people just don’t have the time, urge or money to go out socialising as much.  Many of our friends will be coupled up so our social circles shrink.  It is more comfortable and “safe” to meet via the Internet but it’s also often a better way to do it if as it’s so private and more intimate.

“Any other tips you can give me to boost  love life apart from online dating?”

Make an effort to be the best “you” possible.  Dress well, have an active and interesting life and above all be happy and positive. Those qualities are sexy and what people are looking for in a partner.

You have to take action if you want any in life. Don’t be afraid to start conversations with everyone you meet – from the postman to the woman in the supermarket.  Start acting like someone who has no trouble getting dates and you’ll soon be lining them up.  Oh, and if you need help with your love life then hire a dating coach like me!

Is the office a good place

to meet a new partner?

Before the Internet, the main way we met other people was through our work.  But now, as we work longer and longer hours in more remote locations it can be much more difficult.  Despite this, it can still be an excellent way to get a date.

If you spend a lot of time with a small number of people then you will get attached to some of them.  It’s human nature and how we bond for survival.

You do need to be very careful that you don’t cross boundaries.  Get to know someone as a friend first and then ask them to meet up with for a coffee/drink/meal outside work.  If they are interested they’ll accept but if not then don’t keep endlessly asking.

If things do work out for you then I’d advise you to keep it as low key as possible during office hours.  You don’t want to make your colleagues feel uncomfortable or embarrassed by your behaviour so think about how they might feel.

You should also make sure that you don’t bring any problems to work with you.  It’s not the time for heated arguments or sulking.   Keep in mind that the relationship doesn’t last the you’ll be still be stuck together in close proximity, so end things on a happy friendly note if need be.

Several studies have shown that between 30 and 50 % of all office romances do indeed end up in marriage.  So they definitely can work.

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this subject.  Have you ever dated someone you worked with and how did things work out for you?
Good luck!

James Preece

The Dating Guru

Are you making this huge mistake

that’s costing you dating success?

Writing a fantastic online profile can take a bit of time.    You must craft it carefully to really sell yourself and tell the world about the type of person you are looking to meet.  The same goes for your online dating photo album.  You have to choose your best photos that reflect you and get people intrigued enough to make contact.  Perhaps you’ll through in a few interesting shots that show you doing interesting things.  After all you want to stand out for the right reasons and make an impact.

So you’ve made the effort to do all this as you know how important it is.  BUT you’re making the biggest mistake possible!

What is this faux pas and why is it so damaging?   It’s this simple:  You’ve not taken out a full membership and expect people to contact you

A great profile is vital but it’s not enough.  It’s like having a golden goose that lays golden eggs……..and then not bothering to feed it.   You are letting all that hard work go to waste and not taking control of your love life.  If anyone decent does contact you then you probably won’t even be able to read or reply to their messages.  You’re killing your goose rather than reaping the benefits.

If you want to be successful you must be proactive, take out a full membership and start contacting people.  That’s the only way you’ll get results.

So what are you waiting for?

Good luck!

James Preece – The Dating Guru

Sometimes it’s better not to

reply to a message

Rejection is never an easy thing to accept,  no matter how hard the other person tries to do it gently.  It can be painful if you allow yourself to read too much in to it.

Online dating is a wonderful chance to meet new people and you’ll be given thousands of potential matches.  However, it’s only natural that you aren’t going to be interested in every single one of them.  Each of us likes completely different things and is looking for something different in a partner.  So you’ll get messages and emails from some people that you’ll know aren’t right for you.

The dilemma is knowing what to do with this messages.  On one hand, you might wish to be polite and tell them you aren’t interested, using one of our pre written messages.  The trouble is that this can be taken the wrong way.

The alternative is to do absolutely nothing and ignore the message.  That way no feelings are hurt.

I’d advise you to do a little of both.  If you aren’t keen, make something up and say that you are seeing someone new or that you are looking for someone a little older/younger/more local.   They should accept it but if they don’t , simply block them rather than wasting time on a debate!

Please remember that if you contact someone and they don’t reply, they are probably just trying to be nice rather than make you feel bad.  The secret is to contact lots of people that you like the look of.  By keeping positive and spending time on your profile/messages you’ll soon meet someone even better.

Good luck!

James Preece – the Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

Here is another dating problem

answered by our Dating Expert
“Dear James,  I’ve been single for two years now and I’m looking to meet a nice man in his 50s to start a relationship with.  I’ve enjoyed the Single Solution events but I want to increase my chances and create more dating opportunities.  So my friend suggested I start trying the personal adverts section in the newspaper.  Do you have any tips on how to do this and are they any good?  Elsa”

Hi Elsa,

Thank you for your message and I’m glad you like the singles parties.  Personal ads in the papers used to be a very common way of communicating before the Internet revolutionised the way we date.  It’s not that popular anymore for this reason but it’s still used by a select few. For someone over the age of 50 who isn’t so Internet savvy, it can still be a good way to meet other like minded singletons.

However, there are a few things to keep in mind:

1) Watch your bill. Nowadays, you don’t usually send letters to a mailbox or post off your photograph.  They are usually done by text message and voicemail.  This can work out quite expensive if you use the service a lot.

2)  Be alert for Fakes.  Newspaper adverts can be set up by anyone so be very careful about who you communicate with.  Always speak on the phone before you meet up, just to verify they are who they claim to be.

2) Meet in a safe, public place.  Make sure it’s somewhere local to you and where you are comfortable.

3) Don’t sit back and wait.   Hopefully you’ll get some nice people contacting you BUT it’s also up to you to contact anyone you like the look of

4) Try other things.  While this may work out for you, you should still try other things.  Online Dating in particular is now incredibly busy for the over 50s and you should not be afraid to give it a go.

5) Keep going.  If the first person you meet isn’t right, don’t give up.  It could take five or six meetings before you find someone you connect with.

Happy dating!

James Preece – the Dating Guru