Here is another question

answered by our dating expert

�Dear James.  I�ve got a strange online dating problem that I need your help with.  I�m literally having too many decent men contact me!  I�m finding it really difficult to choose which ones to meet up with.  I can�t believe how much success I�m having�..but the downside is that it�s stopping me giving them a chance. As I know there are plenty more waiting to meet me, I�m not trying hard enough on dates and always thinking about the next people. What can I do about this?   M�

Hi M,

Thank you for your message.  First of all, that�s great news that you having such great luck on the site.  You must have a lovely photo and profile.   The funny thing is that online dating can be very addictive when things are going well.   Each email you get can brighten your day a little and give you a little ego boost.    There�s nothing wrong with that, but sometimes you do need to take a step back so you can get the bigger picture.   So here is my advice for you:

1) Stop all new contact and don�t engage with anyone new.  Instead, focus on the conversations that you�ve already started.

2) Make sure you are only meeting the men you are really interested in.  If you have the option, you should only be seeing the ones you see a future with.  Otherwise you may end up wasting people�s time without meaning too.

3) If you are a little overwhelmed, take a break for a week or so.  Don�t contact anyone at all.   Instead, go and see some of your friends and catch up with them.   Take time to do the things you normally enjoy so you will remember that you have a normal life away from dating.

4) Ride the wave.   As long as you are enjoying yourself and not leading people on, there is nothing wrong with having some fun.   Going out on lots of dates is a GOOD thing so there�s no reason not to, as long as you know what your desired end result is.

I hope these help you and that you find the one person you are looking for.

If you have your own dating dilemma or problem that you�d like my dating expertise with, you can email me at  info@singlesolution.com   I will choose the best ones and answer them here in the blog.

Happy dating!

James Preece

The Dating Guru

Here�s another email

from the Dating Guru�s Mailbag

�Dear James,

I found an amazing girl online and I know we�d be perfect for each other.  However, she�s not logged in to the site for over three months!  I did some research based on her profile text and I�ve managed to find out exactly where she works and what her full (unusual) name is.  I�m tempted to turn up at her work with some flowers�but not sure that�s the best course of action.  What should I do to let her know I exist?   P�

Hi P

Thank you for your email.

If you have your own dating problem or question then you can ask our Dating Guru for help.  Email  info@singlesolution.com    The best questions will get answered ( anonymously!)  in this blog.

James Preece � The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here is another question for our

Dating Guru

�Dear James,  I�ve managed to line up a date from your website.  We are meeting for dinner at the weekend and I�m very excited!  Do you have any tips for me about how to act and what I need to wear?   I don�t want to blow my chances with her before I even begin.   Tim�

Hi Tim,

Many thanks for your email and it�s very cool you�ve got a date.

My advice to you would be to treat is a bit of fun and try to enjoy every moment. Wear something that you feel comfortable and attractive in, ask lots of questions�..avoiding any negative subjects such as talking about past relationships etc. Smile as much as you can and show an interest.

Make sure you arrive on time.  In fact, get there a bit early to make sure you get a good table and in the best possible position.  She might feel awkward if you are sat near a window or anywhere �on display� where others can see you.   Make her feel welcome as soon as you see her too.  She�ll be just as nervous as you are so you absolutely should put her at ease.

Above all, treat it as an experiment and don�t worry about anything. It will probably take a few dates with different people until you have a bit more of an idea what to do /say.  Oh and try and keep the first date short in case you don�t get on.  So skip the start or dessert.

If you like her, you can arrange to see her for a longer date next time . I�d advise you to try and actually arrange this while you are together.  I hope all goes well for you!

If you have your own question for our dating expert please email    info@singlesolution.com      The best problems will be answered ( anonymously!) in the blog.

Here�s another email

from the Dating Guru�s Mailbag

�Dear James,

I hope you�ll be able to help me. Why do women only see me a friend?  I�ve got so many female friends but can never seem to get  a girlfriend.  What am I doing wrong?  S�

Hi S

Thank you for your email.

Start by looking at the positives.  Women obviously feel comfortable and safe with you, so that�s a wonderful place to start with.  They clearly enjoy spending time with you and want to be part of your life.   The trouble is that you treating potential matches like friends rather that partners.  Instead, you should take control and not be so nice.  Greet them with a kiss and take them to �date place� like restaurants rather than going for chats and coffee.  Don�t spend your time listening to their problems but talk about future plans and flirt like mad.

It might be worth using your female friends to your advantage.  Ask them to help with your wardrobe and to fix you up with their own friends.   Go out with the single ones and use each other as a wing man or wing woman.  If another girl sees you with someone then this pretty much makes them know you are worthy and interesting!

If you have your own dating problem or question then you can ask our Dating Guru for help.  Email  info@singlesolution.com    The best questions will get answered ( anonymously!)  in this blog.

James Preece � The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here�s another email

from the Dating Guru�s Mailbag

�Dear James,

I�ve been seeing someone for seven months now and things are going really well.  However, I�ve recently found out that she has a secret box at the bottom of her wardrobe. In this box she keeps photos and letters from old boyfriends.  I know she still looks through this box as she told me.  Should I be worried?  Does she wish she was still with one of them and not me?  H�

Hi H,

Thank you for your message. Firstly, you may be surprised to here but MOST women have a secret box or photo album under the bed or tucked away in a wardrobe.  In fact, many men have one too.  It�s just a collection of memories that we can look back on from time to time.  She�s not looking back wishing that she was still with these various guys, but using them to recall positive emotions.  The same could be true of a favourite book, film or piece or art.

If you end up in a long term relationship with her then there will come a time when these items don�t matter anymore.  She�ll have years of new memories, emotions and experiences that you�ve shared together than will make her forget about the past.

The most important thing is not to make a big deal about this and start getting  jealous or paranoid.  She�s open about this box so she�s not hiding anything from you.  Keep in mind that she is with you because she wants to be. Accept that and make sure you have an amazing journey together��..and take lots of photos!

If you have your own dating problem or question then you can ask our Dating Guru for help.  Email  info@singlesolution.com    The best questions will get answered ( anonymously!)  in this blog.

James Preece � The Dating Guru

www.asiansinglesolution.com

Here is this week�s dating problem

By our Dating Coach and Dating Expert

Dear James, I�ve been with my boyfriend for around a year and a half, and the other day he told me he was fed up of the same old routines in life. He has been stuck in the same job for 2 years, and I understand that he might not be fulfilling his career needs but he said it was a bit of everything that was getting him down.

I asked him if it was anything to do with me, or our relationship and he said he didn�t know and that he needs time to think about things. I don�t understand why he is suddenly feeling like this, and I�m worried that he might just be saying that he is fed up of everything, rather than admitting he is actually fed up of me.

I don�t want to lose him, what am i supposed to do?

Here�s my reply:

It�s a horrible situation but it might not be as bad as you imagine.  He�s found himself stuck in a rut and become fed up with life. As such he�s become depressed and associates everything (including you) with his miserable feelings.

If you don�t want him to get worse and risk your relationship then you need to do all you can to snap him out of it.  If he hates his job then encourage him to quit it and find something he enjoys. Life is too short do spend so long doing something he hates.  It might be tough for a while but his quality of life will improve and so will his mood.

You can also help by giving him things to look forward to � perhaps some nights out, special meals in or a weekend away somewhere. A change of scenery and some time away from his normal routines might just do the trick.

If you have your own dating dilemma or problem then get in touch.  I will answer the best ones in the blog.

James Preece � The Dating Guru

Sometimes people are scared of relationships because it threatens their independence.

So here�s my advice to make sure this doesn�t become a problem.

Top tips:

1)  Stop calling and texting them every two minutes.   By giving them space they�ll get time to miss you and attraction is often increased by the mind.

2)  You can�t change them, so stop trying.  It�s only in time that they�ll adapt their behaviour to fit in with yours.

3)  Don�t be clingy or needy, but always make them feel they are the most important person in your life.

4)  Show an interest in their own hobbies, life, ambitions etc.   If they feel you are genuine and supportive �ll share them with you and won�t be afraid to enjoy them without you.

5)  Keep busy. The more you have on, the more they will treasure the time you spend together.  If they know you are socially popular then she�s subconsciously want to be with you more often.

Good luck!

James Preece � The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

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Hi James

I hope you are well? � I am looking for some advice

I am 37, divorced, and have a 5 year old son. I had an arranged/ introduced marriage. The conclusion of this, was that I married the wrong girl, but the great thing was my son. I am separated for over 2  years, and am legally divorced, and awaiting for the financial separation to be concluded.

I hope you can appreciate that it has taken me about 12 months, to even walk outside of the house, and immmersed myself in work. I have regained alot of confidence, lost weight, and havn�t felt physically this good in years.

Here I am now, that I believe that I am not old, I still have the opportunity to find the �right� woman. This is the first time in my life I am being selfish, in the divorce, and getting my life back, I love my son very much. He is apart of me, and am never going to let him go.

I am really struggling to find / meet women that are willing to accept that I have a son. I have worked it out it is my relationship with with ex wife that is the problem, not my son. Indian girls are not willing to accept this, as in our community I am a social outcast.

I am very confident, sucessfull man. I have figured out what I want, and even to an extent what women want. I am mature, sophisticated, intelligent. Nothing would make me happier than to meet my equal in life, and someone in that we can make each other happy.

Though, I have been on few first dates, and I can talk to women, approach them, but basically nothing. I go to many social events, I find them better than the internet method

So what do I do? � it is very difficult to handle, and am thinking of taking myself out of this, and giving up, but the desire not to give up (I am very determined and driven person), is keeping me going, but the knock backs are begining to hurt.

I am really not sure what to do. I know my life is going to be tough, but I really want to meet someone!

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Many thanks for your email – I�m only too happy to help.

Firstly, well done for taking steps to get your life back on track.  It can be so hard to regain focus after such a bad experience.  The positive thing is that you�ve got a son who you are clearly so proud of.

Let me reassure that not all women will be put off by the fact you are divorced and have a child.    Attitudes are changing.   A few years ago as site like ours was considered “taboo” but now it�s the market leader for professional Asians and more and more people are joining that ever before. Stop thinking of yourself as an outcast and realise that it actually works in your favour.   It shows that you are capable of reproducing which subconsciously makes you more attractive to women who want kids of their own!   Many studies have shown that “fathers” are considered more loving, compassionate and intelligent that men without children.

The important thing to do is to mention your son in your profile.  Yes, there are women who will stop reading at that point but most will want to keep reading.   If you make it very clear from the outset ( rather than a secret you have to announce later) you�ll only be talking to women who you can have a long term relationship with.

I�ve had a good look at your profile and you seem to be getting lots of interest which is fantastic.  I know one or two of the women you are going to be meeting and they are lovely.

Oh, and you really ought to write more about yourself in your profile.   Your emails are great that you send out but do run them through a spell checker as women can be quick to judge on that

You say that you enjoy the events so keep going with that.  We have events all the time and you�ll soon make new friends. Treat it as a social night without any expectations and you never know who you might meet!  Also, accept any invitations that you get and make sure you are putting yourself “out there” as much as you can.

Finally, please don�t give up!  You�ve only been using the site for a few months. Your adventure has only just started to enjoy every moment of being single that you can.  After all, when you meet someone again you don�t want to have missed out on all the fun of dating!

If you�d like any more help then do contact me directly via my website:  www.jamespreece.com

I coach people one to one to get the dating results they really want.

Good luck!

James

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Do you have a dating problem you�d like me to answer?

Get in touch now.

James Preece � The Dating Guru

www.singlesolution.com

� Dear James, I�m a divorced 34 year old single mother.  I have a Masters Degree, a job that I love and own two houses. I have reached a time in my life where I would like to start dating and maybe get married again one day. So far, I have had a hard time meeting mature men my own age. My friends assure me that I�m a great catch � beautiful, great catch, funny, good personality etc.  However, the few guys I�ve dated have called things off for really odd reasons. I had one date that I felt went well. Later that night he sends me a TEXT MESSAGE to say “the conversation was great and you�re a beautiful girl. But, you being a vegetarian is a deal breaker
for me.” Other situations didn�t fare much better. I find it very very very hard to believe that being a vegetarian is that much of a turn off to somebody. Where is a good place to meet a mature man in his late 30?s (no bars please!).  Is Online Dating really that safe? Please can you help?  M�

Hi M,

Many thanks for your question.  It�s something I get asked all the time so I�ll definitely try to help :)  You need to know that you are not alone and there are huge numbers of women in the same situation.

Let�s get right to the point.  You are right, it was probably nothing to do with being a vegetarian.  ( Unless he was a butcher?!)   It�s much more likely that these men are getting cold feet simply because you have a child. I know, it�s very unfair, but not many younger men are mature enough to handle it. They aren�t ready to take on extra responsibility and will want to have kids of their own a bit later in their lives. Some even have a hard time looking after themselves right now!  Not only that but they will be paranoid about your ex-husband popping back on the scene at some point, even if he isn�t at the moment. It�s not just you who they are dating, but three of you.  They don�t want to hurt your feelings and tell you this directly so they make up crazy excuses instead.

Oh, and to top this off, there are men who will even be intimidated or insecure that you�ve got a great job, your own place etc if they�re not sorted their own lives out.

But don�t worry, once men get a bit older and grow up a bit, they can be quite happy to settle down. There are many decent men in their 30s who would jump at the chance to date you, it�s just a matter of finding them!

So, what do I suggest? Find out if there are any singles events in your area. Most busy cities have them each week and most men are professional and settled.  Theatre trips, casinos and wine tastings can be fun ideas -it�s not just about bars.  At the very least you will make some new friends and have a great night out.

Online dating is definitely your best way forward.  Firstly, you can state clearly that you are a single mother so you�ll only be contacted by men who are happy with that. If you are told you are beautiful then why not use that to your advantage and put up some great pictures to get attention? Remember to be proactive on the dating site too. You can�t just wait for people to contact you. Take action and you�ll soon have them queing up to date you Safety isn�t really an issue on the decent dating sites. Just remember not to give out your surname, real email or phone number until you are sure you are interested.  Trust your instincts, meet in a safe busy place you know and always tell a friend where you will be.

Finally, another great idea can be to get all your friends to help you. Tell them what you are looking for and ask if they know any great guys. People love challenges like this and you never know you might meet.

Good luck!

James Preece � The Dating Guru
www.singlesolution.com